Hubby had an accident on his way out the door today (a big stretch, accidentally hitting the light fixture, showering glass pieces everywhere), poor guy.. still trying to wake up fully and he's got this look on his face like, "Did I just do that?" Thankfully he didn't cut himself! I shewed him out the door, telling him not to worry about it - besides, I'd been meaning to clean up that room!:) I should have taken a before pic, but didn't think of it.:)  I decided to take the one unbroken light shade off for reference at the store.. and changed out the broken bulbs/shades.. since I wasn't sure how far the glass got, I decided it was time to clean everything from top to bottom. Brian's de-junking shelf needed some attention anyways (again, a before photo would have made this look MUCH more impressive! It was bad!)








































In the process of cleaning, I re-found this book -
-  it's the coolest kid book ever - if you haven't read it - you need to! It's kind of spendy though, so search your local library for it first. It is HUGE - but 50% or so of it is full page pencil drawings that are just incredible! It reads super fast!

I also cleaned up the blackberries Brian and I picked last night. Step one of Dads' present (he's having one of those "birthday's" soon!) --> I don't think he'd appreciate eating some of the creatures I found while rinsing the berries (You can see one in the picture). Future pie, crumble or cobbler.. not sure which.:)

I'm contemplating making pizza from scratch for dinner. We'll see!
Time to scoot off to teach piano lessons!

It's been nearly four years since I started this blog! In that time most of my original "friends" and readers have moved on to different blog-o-spheres. Facebook has stollen many an avid blogger (I got sucked in too). I'm researching and contemplating a future "move" but it will be a long time from now, as four years of blogging will take quite a while to transfer, albeit, I'm sure I can "weed out" many a post. I also have recently paid to be a premuim member (thought I should give it a try before I give up on the place completely).

 My biggest issue with blogging over the years, was how to keep my information private, yet have it available for all my friends (many of whom are non-xanga people) to view. Thus I tended to vacillate between keeping everything ultra private - to letting the whole world in. I don't like either. So I've decided to try something new. Xanga premium allows me to have unlimited people on my "protected" posts list. Unfortunatly only xanga members can be added to this list. So what this means, is pretty much everyone I know on Xanga has been added to this "list" and I will be back-tracking through ALL my OLD posts and converting them to "protected" so you can read them (am working on this process).
 
 I've decided I'll keep the most recent (5-10 posts) "open" to the public for those friends who stop by now and then, but don't have a xanga account. This way you can read the most recent stuff going on in my life.:)  Now, if you decide to open a xanga account, just to read xanga blogs, please send me a message saying you want to be added to my protected list, and I will do so gladly!:)

Thank you all for faithfully reading my randomness all these years!

 I plain old stink at blogging..

This is how I feel from one hour to the next: - makes you feel dizzy, doesn't it?

 I feel like I've lost my identity in recent months and am searching all over for it to no avail! I plunged myself into the "perfectly clean house, cook every meal, save every little penny" housewife persona, but ended up drowning in a sea of depression based off a lack of meaningful pursuits and relationships. That changed to "Returning college student/piano teacher/still clean house/cooking, etc" - the result being a much busier, happier being with people - but stressed out person in trying to hold it all together. I did realize that I REALLY do want to finish my BA, just because of my unique situation (no kids, and I'm being paid to go to school, it just makes sense). Not for any great career goals, I just want to be able to say "I finished" and move on with my life (keep learning of course, just not a "college student"). That being said, I'm now going to school full time (which takes up roughly 40 hours a week between travel, study time & classes), teaching piano 10 hours a week,  and doing most of the cooking/cleaning at home in addition. I must say that I have a WONDERFUL, AWESOME, GREAT, LOVING HUSBAND who has been helping me out a ton by jumping in to do dishes, picking up stuff and doing some cooking. I'm so grateful for him. He is also very supportive of my going to school even though it means I'm gone three nights a week, when I could be here with him.

 The one part of this whole new life I've yet to figure out is parceling out time between our families. I miss being with my family so much, which sounds terrible since I'm totally in love with Brian and am so glad to be married to him! Yet I feel like there is this constant balancing act we have to do now. If we spend an hour with my family it seems only fair that we spend an hour with his. The problem with that is there are so many more people in my family, and an hour gives you enough time to say "HI" give everyone a hug, say "bye" and give everyone a hug, and that's it. You might squeeze in a conversation or two - but meaningful time with each person - forget it. We were having the kids take turns spending the night once a week - girls one week, boys the next. That fizzled to once a month, and hasn't happened at all in the past month between school and everything else. I miss it, but now that we have so few evenings just to our selves (two nights a week tops), I don't want to take away the little time I have with Brian.
 
The realization that I'm totally a quality time person, makes this issue even bigger. I show love by spending time with people, and I feel loved when people spend time with me. Not time in front of a tv (sometimes I want to smash the tv! I do like it, but it makes me mad at the same time), but time spent talking, laughing, being 100% there with another person. I don't know if I can keep this up without feeling totally dead emotionally or depressed. Maybe I should auction off my spare time.

I've found myself growing increasingly resentful about some "commitments" Brian and I are involved in. For now I'm trying to just take a step back and not be involved in them, cool off for a little while. I'm not sure if withdrawing myself is totally a good thing, as I'm afraid it may negatively impact the others involved, including Brian, but I don't know what else to do. I haven't seen my brother in three weeks, and I hate that. His life has been shoved aside so that the rest of us can have a so called "normal" life, I feel the least I can do is go visit him now and then.. Anyone picking up on my angry tone here?

The fact that I have to justify my actions, worries me. I don't think I should have to justify spending a few hours a week with my family. Yet here I am. This is a sad state of affairs. God, please help me before I go mental!!:) I don't wish to complain, but something has to change!

More positive update later. I just needed a venting session. Any ideas are welcome, but please don't give me any of that "just get used to it" stuff. I refuse to get used to being miserable!

 

*****************************************EDIT****************************************

Okay, so I was going to just get rid of what I wrote. I decided against that though since, one, the situation is still the same for now, two I don't have time to re-write a new post. I wrote this post and decided to catch up on a few other blogs before I published this, one of the first was written by a dear sweet Christian lady who happens to be the Mom of one of my best friends. She was blogging about being busy, keeping ones priorities straight, making time for family, and not neglecting time with God (that's the super condensed version of what she wrote). It was really encouraging for me to read what she wrote (thank you, Copperswife ). I know something has to change in my life. Not sure what's going to be cut or done differently yet (therefore I'm keeping the first part of this post), but I know it can be done. Going to go spend some time with God now.. then maybe I'll give my sweetheart a call to say how much I love him, before getting back to all the other "THINGS" that need doing.:)

My dear friend tagged me, so here goes nothing:
1. I think I'd wear pj's all day everyday, if I could
2. I'm going to make curry for dinner, but I need to go to the store first.
3.  My hair is greasy - yuck - need a shower
4. I'm thinking about exercising more
5. I can't figure out how I'm all jazzed up at night about all the things I'm going to get done the next day - but the next day I spend going, "I was suppose to do something today, what was it?"
6. I'm tired pretty much all the time lately, what's up with that?
7. I've been tossing a new header title around for awhile, I was thinking of a play on Debi Pearls book title, "Created to be his help-meet" not sure though..but I'm not feeling very helpful.. so.. hmmm...

  Hubby had an accident on his way out the door today (a big stretch, accidentally hitting the light fixture, showering glass pieces everywhere), poor guy.. still trying to wake up fully and he's got this look on his face like, "Did I just do that?" Thankfully he didn't cut himself! I shewed him out the door, telling him not to worry about it - besides, I'd been meaning to clean up that room!:) I should have taken a before pic, but didn't think of it.:)  I decided to take the one unbroken light shade off for reference at the store.. and changed out the broken bulbs/shades.. since I wasn't sure how far the glass got, I decided it was time to clean everything from top to bottom. Brian's de-junking shelf needed some attention anyways (again, a before photo would have made this look MUCH more impressive! It was bad!)








































In the process of cleaning, I re-found this book -
-  it's the coolest kid book ever - if you haven't read it - you need to! It's kind of spendy though, so search your local library for it first. It is HUGE - but 50% or so of it is full page pencil drawings that are just incredible! It reads super fast!

I also cleaned up the blackberries Brian and I picked last night. Step one of Dads' present (he's having one of those "birthday's" soon!) --> I don't think he'd appreciate eating some of the creatures I found while rinsing the berries (You can see one in the picture). Future pie, crumble or cobbler.. not sure which.:)

I'm contemplating making pizza from scratch for dinner. We'll see!
Time to scoot off to teach piano lessons!

It's been nearly four years since I started this blog! In that time most of my original "friends" and readers have moved on to different blog-o-spheres. Facebook has stollen many an avid blogger (I got sucked in too). I'm researching and contemplating a future "move" but it will be a long time from now, as four years of blogging will take quite a while to transfer, albeit, I'm sure I can "weed out" many a post. I also have recently paid to be a premuim member (thought I should give it a try before I give up on the place completely).

 My biggest issue with blogging over the years, was how to keep my information private, yet have it available for all my friends (many of whom are non-xanga people) to view. Thus I tended to vacillate between keeping everything ultra private - to letting the whole world in. I don't like either. So I've decided to try something new. Xanga premium allows me to have unlimited people on my "protected" posts list. Unfortunatly only xanga members can be added to this list. So what this means, is pretty much everyone I know on Xanga has been added to this "list" and I will be back-tracking through ALL my OLD posts and converting them to "protected" so you can read them (am working on this process).
 
 I've decided I'll keep the most recent (5-10 posts) "open" to the public for those friends who stop by now and then, but don't have a xanga account. This way you can read the most recent stuff going on in my life.:)  Now, if you decide to open a xanga account, just to read xanga blogs, please send me a message saying you want to be added to my protected list, and I will do so gladly!:)

Thank you all for faithfully reading my randomness all these years!